Wank Buddy Advice – Should I come out?

Submitted by Jason in Manchester UK

“I’ve been wanking with a friend of mine for the past two years and not really had many girlfriends, and after seeing the recent video of Tom Daley coming out as bisexual I started to wonder if it’s time that I did the same thing. I’m 22 now, and although I like girls I have more of a connection with guys. My friend is gay, and all we do is wank together, we’re both fine with this and it’s just like having an extra thing in our friendship. Am I bisexual and should I come out to my friends and family? I think most of them will be okay with it, but my dad might have a problem with it.”

First, no one can really tell you if you should come out or not. It’s all down to what you think and feel about the situation and whether you think it’s right for you. It’s good that you’ve been inspired to think about this by Tom Daley and his video, but no two people are exactly the same and you really need to think about these things and come to your own decisions.

Personally (and this is just my own view, so please don’t take this as “advice”) I am against the whole notion of making a big deal out of it with family meetings and heart-to-heart discussions with friends. I think many people make it more of a big deal than it actually is with their insistence that people make some big announcement.

It has no real bearing on others who you love and who you have intimacy with, and making such a big deal is almost giving people permission to criticize. I would be more inclined to simply not hide it, let people come to their own conclusions, and be honest when people ask. “Coming out” is like asking for approval when no one has the right to disapprove to begin with.

So in conclusion, I would say do what feels right for you, don’t try to conform to any standard practice (either of those who would want you to leap out of an invisible closet or those who would demand that you stay within one) just because it’s common perception that you should. No one has the right to tell you how to deal with this, whichever side of the line they are on.

You should know that whatever path you do choose it’s simply temporary. Negative or positive reactions will only last a short while, you and those around you will move on to a new normalcy where sexuality is irrelevant. You’ll likely find yourself removing those who “disapprove”, and embracing those who have a natural inclination to not care about things like this. Life is evolution for each of us, short but sweet, we all have a path to take and it should not be wasted by following the signs other people put up to attempt to force you in one direction or another.

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